Fit Check for my Depression Era

Have I been a little quiet online lately? Yes.

Has my brain been quiet lately? Not even a little bit.

Every time I sit down to write a blog or post on Instagram, I don’t even know where to start with the messiness that is my brain. But sometimes the best way is through, so here we go.

I have depression.

(Whew, that is hard to type out surprisingly.) This is a new diagnosis for me. For years, I have struggled with anxiety but after meeting with a new psychologist, I get to add another diagnosis to my repertoire. Yay for answers?

After months of feeling out of control, overwhelmed, and withdrawn, I finally reached out to my doctor. I will be starting cognitive behavioral therapy for the first time.

It’s funny. Outwardly, I probably seem okay. I’m snarky over on threads. I’m engaged at work. I’m getting all the things done. I ran a marathon. I went on vacation. I take care of my family every single day. By any objective standard, I should be okay. I am productive. I am producing.

But I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like a have a feral honey badger rummaging in my brain and a manatee sitting on my chest.

While I’m not ready to share the full scope of my depression and the accompanying symptoms, I am hoping that by typing it out and naming it, it will feel less scary. Less overwhelming. And less like I am failing.

But all of this to say, mental health looks different on everyone—fit check for my depression era. Pray for me and wish me luck during this new therapy process. I’m going to need it.